bentflame: (calm)
For the second time I've been told that I'd do better to stay away from someone-- the same person, even-- because they're dangerous. It's funny that they don't take into consideration the fact that I might be dangerous, too.

I wonder at what point other people cut ties with someone because of things that they've done. It's not something that I've thought about much; there are a few people that I've gotten along with and then changed my mind about, but not very many. There are plenty of things that I'm more permissive of than most. It's part of being raised as a soldier, I suppose. I am curious, though-- at what point do you stop talking to someone because of their actions towards others?
... So I'm not really dying. The doctors came in and told me that it was a false alarm this morning, and when Lisa woke up again, she didn't even remember what had happened. She seemed to think that I was in the hospital because I'd had a particularly nasty relapse of my fever from earlier in the month, and others corroborated her story.

The community did this, didn't it. Again.

[Azula's sitting on the couch talking into her community book, with Rachel (who keeps trying to grab at her necklaces, especially the rosary) crawling around next to her]

I think I'm starting to get better, so I won't be sitting around here forever anymore-- I'll start going to the Vatican again during the day, and also hopefully some place warm. No matter how high the heat's turned up in here, it still feels cold.

[she bats Rachel's hands away from her again]

Not to mention the fact that I think there's something about it that makes toddlers go stir-crazy. Even though the nanny's here, she's still following me around.

... I wish we lived where Ryan does, where it never gets snow.
I don't think it's working.

I don't think it's going to work.

Anytime I try to sleep I just have these dreams. Torn-off heads. Dungeons. Father. Even normal things-- like beaches; the hot springs at Ember Island or learning to swim in the ocean-- they're all turning into nightmares.

I want to call Lilith. I want to call Lisa at work. I want to go train for five hours straight until my skin is on fire and my muscles are burning with pain.

This'll probably be visible. I locked it, but it probably won't work, and the world will know how pathetic I am. Not crazy. Just pathetic. They'll avoid me, which I won't mind until the next time I get lonely; they'll think I'm weird and creepy, which I will mind, because that's not what perfect warriors are like. I can't sleep.

My country is dying and I can't go help it because apparently I'm not strong enough-- I know I wouldn't be able to wrestle it away from Zuko and the rest of the traitors with the way I am now and knowing that only makes it worse.

Soon, this'll go away and I'll be able to rest again, and I'll be able to trick myself into thinking that I'm close to being back to my old self. And then it'll repeat itself. Again. And again. And again. No end in sight.

It's no wonder people say they'd just let me drown. Father would do the same thing.
I'm disowning everyone because they're stupid and horrible and confusing and I HATE THEM and I HOPE THEY DIE.

And that goes for all of you. Everyone on every world. Go away from me.

[ooc: related to this little bit of Azula trying to identify with someone and FAILING MISERABLY because... well, she's Azula]
Being seventeen doesn't feel any different.

... If I said I'd do something with you today and then I didn't show up, I suppose we can arrange something in its place.
I wasn't at home for my birthday last year, either.
It's weird not having any battle scars anymore. Up until a couple of years ago I barely had any at all, so I remember where every single one came from. I had a long one on my back from Father, but now it's gone.

I don't even feel like sparring right now. I want to vacation more.
When the little boy masquerading as Fire Lord is defeated, the uprising that takes him down will rip off his mother's head before his eyes.

And I'll laugh.


Jun. 17th, 2010 03:06 pm
[Azula is pacing again, and muttering to herself-- most of it's unintelligible, but some of it can be understood]

They don't want me. They accepted him and threw me away, and they thought I'd be just fine with it. Well, I'll show them. I'm not going to be fine with it. I'm going to--

... I'm going to keep doing amazing things.

[Then, louder:]

I'm going to keep doing amazing things.

[Suddenly she spins around and grabs her community book, speaking directly into it]

Do you hear me?
I have an extremely hypothetical question concerning complete idiots who may or may not be attractive and engaged.
bentflame: (mild irritation)
I'm never going to kiss another person again. Ever. End of story.

After this paperwork is finished, I'm going to go back to New Jersey, play cards with Lucas, and ignore the community.


Mar. 15th, 2010 11:02 pm
[After nearly three straight days of hunting for Cain and Cuddy (and bouncing back to the Fire Nation every once in a while to do stuff there, of course) on very little sleep, Azula's finally passed out against a building somewhere, looking very much like a homeless person]

[She's also drooling slightly, just for the lulz]

[ooc: ... because it didn't make sense for her to be able to search for days on end. >.>]
A date has been set for the wedding.


After Tyki's party, I'm going to Malaysia for a few days.

I'm going on vacation.

Does anyone want to come?
[Heeeeeeeere's Azula having a good old-fashioned freak-out-- storming around her room, throwing fire, smashing a few things, and probably scaring the servants half to death]

[she's also ranting like crazy (... okay, pun intended) and even crying a little bit; basically, all of her frustrations/anger/~*emo*~/etc. about Ozai, Ty Lee, the Fire Nation, the community, and EVERYTHING are coming out right now]

[A few relevant words may be audible here and there (idk what, it doesn't really matter; make shit up if you want), but mostly all that can be heard is:]

It's not fair; it's not fair; IT'S NOT FAIR!

Who put flowers in my room?


Jan. 23rd, 2010 06:50 pm

[She lets out a shaky-sounding breath, but when she actually speaks, her voice is completely stable]

I heard that some old members are coming back, without their memories-- Tony Stark, and so on. Is this true?
[She's still in the same empty, alternate-universe room as before]

... You've all gone insane.



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