bentflame | (no subject)

Current Mood: pensive
Current Location: The Fire Nation capital

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(no subject)

{LOL LOCKFAIL} She loves me.

...

...

Hm.

I will have to consider this idea a bit more, it seems. It's difficult too... expel from my thoughts at times. Thankfully it hasn't distracted me from my duties, but occasionally during my downtime it'll just... "hit me", I suppose one would say. It's always quite unexpected, though not entirely... unpleasant. It's a... well. It's a nice thought, really.

One thing that I unfortunately am having a bit of trouble with is remembering that it all could dissipate at any moment, without any warning. The first time I was unprepared, which was a mistake- it caused me to react in a very embarrassing and wholly unacceptable manner. I had made similar slip-ups in the past, but none of that magnitude- and I am quite unhappy that it went that far before I fully realized what I was doing. Have I really grown so... hm.

... Despite this, I truly do care for her. Love her. Very much. It's almost... more emotion than I know what to do with, really; certainly much more than I am used to experiencing. But I must learn to keep the weakness- the additional weakness; the "weird" sort of weakness- out of the picture. {/LOL LOCKFAIL}

I will be turning fifteen not so long from now. Originally, my goal was to have the Avatar captured and destroyed by my birthday, but that was before we made plans to wait for the comet to arrive before launching a full-scale attack. Ideally I would have liked to be crowned Fire Lord beforehand, as well, but I am willing to wait just a little bit longer.

I have never really understood the purpose of birthdays- that is, making such a big deal out of them. I will be of marrying age at sixteen, so doubtless Father is going to start spending quite a bit more time this year searching for a suitable match for me. I can only hope that he'll leave me out of it as much as possible; the entire process bores me.

Additionally- for anyone who may have business with me to attend to, I will most likely be spending much of tomorrow at the royal hot springs, and will therefore be unreachable.

OOC: That last note is my way of saying that I'm moving into my dorm tomorrow and probably won't have time to obsessively check my email the way I normally do. ;)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can rid myself of the weaker emotions without ridding myself of them all.

No, you can't. People have to be born in such a way, soulless. You can't deaden a soul, and if you try it will eventually lash back at you.

I was born souless.

No, Azula. You weren't. Whoever told you such a thing was wrong.

I am never wrong.

That is also not true. You wish that you were, though. Given your father, I can understand that.

What does Father have to do with anything?

You're not the only one in the database.

Your point?

I'm saying that he's a cold bastard, just as his father was. Then he tried to instill that in his children.

Ignoring your crass, disrespectful language- I would believe that in my case, he succeeded. Zuko, unfortunately, was a failure- combined with his inherent weakness and Mother's constant meddling, he never really had a chance.

What was your mother like?

Tsk. I'm sure you can look her up, too. She isn't even worth mentioning; she had no part in my life.

...

After reading it, I beg to differ.

Oh, really. Care to enlighten me about my life, then?

You had a natural bent toward aggression and ambition. That doesn't make you a beast. Competitive, ruthlessly driven, spoiled, but not evil. You were quite the prodigy, but like all prodigy children, you didn't know how to accept losses.

You weren't emotionally equipped to know how to deal with people doing things better than you, so you had to break them down to make yourself feel better. No doubt that such things haven't changed. You still react like a petulant little girl when things don't go your way, then insist that it always goes your way. For all your machinations, you still come off as a little girl desperately trying to prove to somebody that you're worth something great.

To your father? To yourself? Why? If you were emotionless, you wouldn't care about that. You wouldn't care about anything.

I'm not saying it's all your fault. Many children are mean-spirited and bratty. That's why they need to be taught temperance, and be loved. You had none, Zuko had too much. Neither of your parents knew the right balance, from the looks of things.

Well, aren't you quite the psychologist.

You know, you would get along well with that idiotic Karen girl. Neither of you know how to deal with someone like me, so you invent reasons for my "monstrousness" that have very little basis in real life.

Your only problem is that you haven't been put in a situation that has taxed you.

Oh, really. What makes you say that?

It's evident. Your pride, your sense of self-entitlement, your inability to grasp the concept of losing or having things or emotions you can't control.

You only see things in a the small picture. Even now, with all these other worlds, you sequester yourself in that one tiny place.

I can't grasp the concept of- you have no idea what you're talking about. None.

And then there's your incredible defensiveness, for another thing.

[OOC: Fun as this is, I need to get sleep! It's like...2:33 am here.]

I am not being defensive, I'm calling you out on the nonsense you're spouting.

OOC: Same. XD I stay up late way too much.

It's not nonsense. I'd stake my life on it.

Then you would be making a grave mistake.

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