bentflame | {FORWARD-DATED TO TOMORROW}

I don't know why these persistent posts about families and parents annoy me so much. It's not like I'm jealous. Or maybe I am; I wouldn't know. I don't tend to self-analyze-- it's pointless. So few people realize that when you start to feel something stupid or messy, the best thing to do is to just ignore it, especially if it's about something that can't be changed or helped. I can really only think of one example of when paying attention to "feelings" has paid off, but we're not going to talk about that. It's been rehashed far too much here; I think it's time to discuss something new.

I could just go back to the Fire Nation. I don't know why I haven't yet. I say it's because I want to be careful and cautious, but really, I have no doubt that I could escape again if he is just trying to trick me-- which he isn't. And everything was going perfectly during my first week as Fire Lord; it was only after I found out he had turned against me that it started to go bad. If he does turn back again, I'm going to be very mad at myself for wasting this time I could have had.

I'll go back if I get kicked out. Though really, I've been considering leaving before that can happen; that'll make things less complicated. I was irritated when Kaito temporarily lost his memories of this place, and I don't even like Kaito. It's ridiculous (not to mention embarrassing) how much of an aversion I have to being left alone and abandoned. It's something that I really need to get over-- preferably sooner rather than later, because you don't just let random people stay in your house for undetermined periods of time. Sooner or later she'll be looking for an excuse to get rid of me, if she isn't already-- even though I stocked her cabinets with excellent Fire Nation tea. What would you call that, a bribe? I don't know.

At least I have Father; that's really all that matters. Who cares if he probably only supports me because he's been brainwashed? I certainly don't. It's the end that matters, not the means.

I'm very good at convincing myself of things. It's one of my many strengths.

OOC: There's a chance I'll be wicked busy tomorrow, and I wanted to have at least one post for this virus, so. DX

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You actually scare me a lot more then I let on. Which is stupid, because I shouldn't let the world affect me this much - nothing else really matters to me, I guess. For most of my life it's been you, Ty Lee, and Zuko. And my parents, but they only ever wanted me to be the perfect child (even if they do love me) and that... well, that just made thigns harder for me.

Sometimes I wonder if we're actually still friends or if it would've been better to not actually... I don't know. I'm not sure how to talk about this. I've never been good at expressing feelings. Usually I just bottle them up... not sure why I'm so talkative today, anyway.

I don't scare you enough to keep you, apparently. And goodness knows that you don't like me enough to stay. Even though you claim that you can be both my friend and Zuko's girlfriend, I don't really believe you. And I know you'd let him take you away, too.

I resent you. I don't want to care about you, even a little bit.

I could get into an argument with you about what I really care about and whether or not you're right, but we'd just end up arguing in circles, like we always do.

So, you do care about me?

Yes. Ty Lee has always been my favorite, in most ways-- that's probably been obvious since we were kids-- but I care about you, too.

I don't know if I want you to fear me-- especially now that we're not really fighting together anymore, and my success doesn't rely on whether or not you obey me. When you just now said that you did a part of me was satisfied (I suppose that was the part that resents you), but I was also a little hurt.

Well, I knew that you liked Ty Lee more.

Don't you want me to fear you? You always talk about being feared and respected.

In the end though, I don't fear you enough to run from you or to stop me from protecting people, so maybe it's all moot anyway. I'd rather not fear you, but... you're the Fire Lord. Fire Princess. Whatever. You've always been... important.

Of course I'm important; of course I outrank you. But you and Ty Lee were always different. You're not just... random citizens. Keeping you on your toes was very important when you were helping me track down Zuko and the Avatar, but we're not doing that anymore.

... She's not scared of me. She likes me. That's why she stays my friend.

No. We're not doing that anymore, are we?

So, you don't want me to be scared of you? Because... I don't know. I'd like it better if I didn't feel like I had to be.

No, we're not actively pursuing them at the moment. That doesn't mean they're not still enemies of the Fire Nation.

Like I said, I don't know if I want you to. A part of me does; a part of me doesn't.

... I think that at this point, most of me doesn't.

I'm not sure what to say to that.

I don't know. How can I reconcile that with... everything else?

I don't know. Maybe you can't.

I don't really concern myself with what's convenient for you. I suppose I could try if I wanted to, but what would be the point?

{FORWARD-DATED TO TOMORROW}

Audio - Virus'd

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