bentflame | IC contact for dramadramaduck

[...]

No.

but he was wrong, and I didn't want you to believe him. He was wrong.

His perspective is not my own. It is the same for my perspective of him. I do not expect you to have it.

If someone hated Seth or Abel and said horrible things to and about them, wouldn't you care? Wouldn't you tell them to stop?

... I gave you your things back because I thought you might be happier if things were different.

... When they were hated I allowed people to keep their opinions of them. At the time they had a right to hate them.

Different as in if you were not in my life. [Not a question for a reason. She sounds kind of hurt saying it.]

[oh she notices that hurt in her voice]

...

.....

If that is your wish I will not deny it.

No.

[there's a tiny hint of desperation in her voice]

Azula, may I tell you something that I would like stay just between us?

Yes.

[This is probably one of the few times Lilith sounds genuinely sad.]

Living without my family is nearly unbearable to me. If you do not want my presence in your life I would understand. I promise I wouldn't argue or complain.

But please don't think that losing you would make me happier. It would not.

Why would you understand? I have no reason to not want you.

I have no reason not to want you either.

[...]

Can I tell you something that I would like to stay between us?

Yes.

A long time ago, back when she was still my mother and long before she ever disowned me, Ursa lived in the palace with us. But Zuko was always her favorite. He was always insecure because Father and my teachers and the war counsel and my citizens knew that I was a prodigy and he wasn't-- but really, on a personal level, he was the one that everyone always liked. Ursa did, too. He was her favorite; he could do nothing wrong in her eyes, and I could do nothing right. And then she left, for him; she went to his room to say goodbye that night, but she walked right past mine. I always knew that she didn't like me much, but I never knew how much she hated me until years later, when she told the entire community: "I have no daughter. Zuko was an only child." I don't even really care anymore, but I still remember those words.

Then when I was fourteen, one of my best friends from childhood tried to kill me. She went on and on about how she couldn't wait to see my blood on her knives, and she even kidnapped my other best friend-- her other best friend-- and pretended to kill her, to try to lure me in. And it didn't take long for that second best friend to start hating me, either. She lied about a lot of things, including what she thought about me; she called me a monster and said that I was being too harsh on my father after he sent assassins after me. There was him too, of course, but he was a special case because he was my trainer, not my friend. But I trusted him.

Everyone that I've really trusted or liked, except for Lisa, has lied, betrayed, attempted murder, or left of their own volition. I know you're amazing and wonderful and probably a better person than all of them combined, but a part of me still keeps thinking that you'll do the same thing one day. Especially if people like Cross convince you that I'm not good enough to be your sister.

I understand. [She really does. Blow after blow like that must have been devastating to her.]

Anyone would be frightened in your position. Rest assured Cross isn't going to convince me of anything like that.

I don't want anyone to know. Some people have seen bits and pieces of what's happened, but I don't think anyone knows about everything.

It makes me sound paranoid.

If you couldn't love me, I don't think anyone could.

I will not say anything. I don't think it makes you seem paranoid either.

You're hurt. It's only natural you fear being hurt again.

... I hate making you sad.

I rather be sad than have you worrying like this. The feeling will pass.

Edited 2010-12-16 05:01 (UTC)

[she's going to come look for you so she can give you a hug 8|]

[She's just sitting in her room.]

[... knock knock knock]

You may enter.

[sticking her head in]

Lilith?

IC contact for dramadramaduck

[call]

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[call] I DON'T THINK LILITH WANTED A NOVEL, AZULA

[call] LOL. Here I thought you went to bed or something.

[call] at not even midnight?! surely you jest

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