bentflame | Tape Recorder, Part II

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Tape Recorder, Part II

OOC: Because I wanted to write up a proper third-person response to the Tynapping stuff. Sorry.

Azula lay on her back on the middle of the bed, turning the tape recorder over and over in her hands. She would not listen to it again. She was being silly and childish, and she was not going to indulge that- no matter what had happened.

Death was not something that bothered Azula. It wasn't simply a matter of being desensitized by war, either- even as a child, death just hadn't affected her the way it did other people. When her cousin Lu Ten had died in battle and her Uncle Iroh had returned home distraught, her only thought had been how weak and cowardly he was being by allowing his emotions get in the way of his duty to his country. Her grandfather Azulon's death had been a good thing, even- because it had allowed her father to become Fire Lord. And when her father died, leaving the throne to her... that would be a good thing, too.
But if Ty Lee had been killed at the hands of Mai... that would have been so much different. She would have been illogical about it. She would have... lost control. She- Princess Azula, who prided herself on her consistent, effortless emotional detachment- would have been broken. Emotionlessness was something that came naturally to her- indeed, to the extent that anything else was unnatural. Still, there were times...
Things that Mai had implied ("She wears no armor. Knives cut. Do the math." ) and things that Ty Lee had said ("Yeah, and have you collect the body.") haunted her. Even though Ty Lee was safe, she couldn't get them out of her mind- because they were true. Of the (relatively few) things that Azula genuinely feared, Ty Lee leaving her was by far the most likely to come true- and for a short time, she had been utterly convinced that it had, in the form of death. Images of how Mai could have done it had come unbidden into her mind, and in droves- things that Mai might have done to get her "revenge". “Put this apple on your head, Ty Lee- I promise I won’t aim too low.”
Then, when she had seen Ty Lee not only alive, but relatively unhurt, she had thought she was going to lose her in another, very different way. They had conspired to bring her here, so that Mai could fight her- had Ty Lee wanted her to lose? How exactly had Mai convinced her? "Just do as I say, Ty Lee, and I promise I'll take care of your little problem- you'll never have to see fire again."
After it was all over, Azula had wanted to find her- to touch her, to talk to her, to make sure that she was real. She had been expecting to have to comfort a terrified, traumatized Ty Lee, seriously injured and in need of a medic, but none of that was necessary. And by the time she had picked herself up from the ground and looked around for her, she was gone.

A few days earlier, Azula had figured out how to erase the results of some of her earlier experimentation with the tape recorder- after all, it wasn't needed, and she didn't know how much it could store. For the most part, it was now completely blank, and ready to be used for whatever purpose was found for it- but there was one thing that she had saved.

Despite her resolve, Azula's finger hovered over the 'play' button momentarily... then she growled in annoyance and set the machine down firmly on the bedside table. No. She didn't need it.

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"I know." Ty Lee gave Azula's face a gentle stroke.

She remembered what she had said at Ember Island, about her mother. She was right, but it still hurt. It hurt more with Ty Lee. Azula sighed again, moving close enough that her bowed head was only inches from the top of Ty Lee's.

My own mother thought I was a...monster. That's what Azula had said on Ember Island...No one, Mai or Zuko or herself, knew how to respond to that. Ty Lee had used the same word, and it was obvious it had the same effect. Ty Lee stayed where she was, with her hand on Azula's cheek.

Azula mouthed something then, not allowing the words to come through her voice.

"Hm?"

"Sometimes..." Her voice was hoarse. She was very much aware of Ty Lee's hand still on her cheek.

She noticed the change in Azula's voice, and she continued to stroke Azula's cheek. "It's alright."

"Sometimes..." she repeated, curling her fingers around the edge of the blanket. She let out a shaky breath, and realized that she was trembling slightly. What she was trying to say went against everything that her instincts told her was right- everything about remaining strong and self-reliant, stoic and untrusting. It was unfamiliar. It was... frightening. It was even worse than I love you.

It was just four words.

She pressed closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "It's alright," she said quietly, comforting. "It's alright, Azula, I'm here."

"Sometimes... I... need... you." She gritted her teeth as she spoke, and after she had forced all the words out, she visibly collapsed against the pillows (and Ty Lee), exhausted. Every part of her was screaming that she had done something very, very wrong. She had admitted vulnerability. She had admitted need for another person. If Ty Lee wished, she could now rip her apart from the inside out.

That wasn't something to be taken lightly. Sure, Ty Lee had heard something similar from many different people. The saying itself wasn't new. Azula saying it...that was different. It went against what she knew of her, it was what she could consider weak (Azula, that is, not Ty Lee). Ty Lee was shaking slightly now, though hardly from fear. She had something from Azula that no one else had. She has power. She didn't consider herself a power-hungry person but when a situation gave her it...well, she couldn't just ignore it.

Ty Lee continued, gently trying give Azula strength and comfort. "I need you, Azula."

She shouldn't have said that. She should not have said that. Ty Lee's reciprocation barely registered. The tremors running through her were stronger.

She held her closer, trying to let her know not to tremble so. Oh, why did Azula have to make it so difficult on herself? "It'll be alright."

Slowly, very slowly, the trembling ran itself dry. Afterwards, Azula just lay there silently, blankly. Every so often a small quiver would pass through her, but that was all.

Soon it was just Ty Lee trembling slightly. She petted Azula's hair, sighing softly.

Azula curled herself closer, slipping an arm around Ty Lee's back. You're shaking, she tried to say, but the words wouldn't come.

Ty Lee continued to pet Azula's hair.

After a time, Azula found her voice again. "Do you happen to know what time it is?" she asked quietly, her words muffled by Ty Lee's shoulder.

"Hm? Oh. No, I don't."

Azula turned her head to the side, resting her forehead against Ty Lee's neck. "All right."

"Hm." She laid her hand on the back of Azula's head.

Azula lay there, thinking. Then, after some time, she whispered, "... Perhaps you should forget that I said that, Ty Lee."

She looked down at Azula. "...Maybe. You were..shaking."

"I..." Azula didn't really know what to say to that. "You don't...."

"Well, you were. Shaking, I mean."

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